My Bags (and mystery hare Little
Pussy posing as a
Venue: Talladaga National Forest, somewhere in Alabama
Hounds: Afterbirth, Slippery When Wet, Whine Ho, Hand Tossed, Dr. Doo Doo,
Service My Tool, Material Girl, Double Pecker, EZ Cheeks, Danielle 1xPH3,
Sleazy Rider, Internuts, Beer Nuts, Cum.Cum, Primer
If Pinelake was going to have a special remote venue, this one in conjunction with the Wheelhopper Hash for the next day, the hares couldn’thave picked a more scenic scene. The 90-mile drive from Atlanta to somewhere in the Talladaga National Forest in Alabama placed the few, the deranged, the bitter in the middle of a beautiful forest. Trails were everywhere, as were plenty of creeks and ultimately, a serene and completely deserted lake. The very few times the trail broke into a clearing and we were subjected to the heat only made us all the more grateful for the shade of the forest.
To get to the start, we had to take a gravel road for eight miles (it seemed like more) until we got to the camping site/start of the hash. Since we had passed several campsites before coming to the Pine Glen Campground, near Sweetwater Lake, we figured the hares just wanted to have “pine” and “lake” associated with this hash in order to make us feel more at home. Whatever, it was just fine. There was absolutely no pavement on this trail and I think we had about ten yards of a gravel road we crossed before plunging into the forest. No one has even heard of railroad tracks where we were. Creekbeds and ruts from rain water, combined with hiking paths and oldlogging roads made up the trail. In other words, this was great hashing territory!
We had been told of a long and short path, with a whichaway for “S” (sharks) and “T” (tadpoles), but by the time Double Pecker and I got to the split, we forgot what the marking stood for. So off we went on what we thought was the “Tuff” trail, leaving the “Short” choice to the wankers. Yeah, sure. Like I said to DP, “This ain’t no fucking race!” Try telling that to Whine Ho and Service My Tool and Hand Tossed. With those three, deer had to get out of the way!
I didn’t know it at the time, but Little Pussy was a mystery co-hare and ran the trail as a “sweeper”. This is a great idea when you really don’t want anyone to get lost on trail in the middle of nowhere. As the trail split was at Sweetwater Lake, the “Sharks” portion of the trail wouldinvolve a swim, I guessed, but I didn’t know how good an idea it was to take the “Tadpole” trail until later.
It seems that the over-achievers on the Shark trail were stymied when the flour disappeared. Oops. Next time, don’t make the “On-In” so big! The flour ran out, but everyone got in eventually.
The second group to make it to the split (which was in sight of the ending) took a shortcut by adding another swimming portion and made it on-in before the FRB’s on trail. First time running hasher Material Girl (be careful how you stand) and Dr. Doo Doo and a few of the other hounds came dripping in, also pleased with the day’s trail.
The down-downs were conducted in the shade by the ending at Sweetwater
Lake. Very nice, but someone pointed out that we were in a sort of
Damocles situation. Looking directly above one of the coolers, we saw a large, straight tree limb which had been tied by some twine to one of the intact branches. It looked as if it could break loose at any point and impale an unwitting hound (is there any other kind?). But the only impaling was during the down-downs. We had a few too longs, a few first time PH3 hounds and an assortment of lame Rule 6 violations. Note to Mattress: Down-downs are no fun when it gets personal. Next time, just kill the SOB and we’ll visit you in jail. I do have a suggestion for a down-down song, however. Let’s use part of “All Men Are Liars” from Nick Lowe.
All men (All men!) All men are liars Their words ain’t worth no more than worn-out tires Hey girls! (Girls!) Bring rusty pliers To pull this tooth All men are liars And that’s the truth! Drink it down, down, down, down.....On second thought, maybe we should just stick to “What’s so funny about peace, love and understanding?” No more of that! The trail was great…well worth the drive and a fine time for all.