Rat’s Ass, Down Under, Phred, Ted Gerber, Catamite, Love Byte,Cums Collect, Bob, Screw Ewe, Cumcierge, PACII, Dr. Doo Doo, Go Blow, Rude Dog, Lame Bahrain, The Parrot, Double Pecker, Cheetah, Super Dooper Pooper Scooper, Softballs, Niplets, Tailgunner, Self-Basting, Sneek-A-Peek, Ding Dong, MC Hasher, Bubbette, Hired Snatch, Apeshit, Miss Deed, Burning Bush, Butt Pipe, Chris Robertson, Boner, Deboner, Redeye, Slippery When Wet, Rock Hudson, Top Gum, Wants To Bobbit, Scott Perkins, Jonna Beiletti, Fergie Dick, Minnie Brew, Back Seat Box, Loya English, Kaptain Krash, Okie Pokie Chicken Chokie, Linda Ahn, Hellene Moon, Tort Tart, Holy Dick, Good Head, Wilma, Breatstroke, Bullshit, Swamp Rat, French Maid.
Charles Manson: Afterbirth
Once again, through the hard work of our brother Afterbirth, and by the unconditional peace and love afforded us by his brother (the one with the pad), Pinelake was blessed with yet another year of beer and hashing. This time, Afterbirth kissed pretense in the keester and laid a rugged path from the pool ... back to the pool. The sane were hip to this scenario, but Fergie Dick managed to talk Swamp Rat into tagging on an extra mile at the start by running from the parking lot to the pool first, while the rest of us enjoyed the Crappiest Carpool Ever, Bar None. It averaged out to about 1.5 hashers/car, but we left just enough room in the driveway for the beer truck to negotiate it’s way through, so no harm done. Afterbirth, in a trail talk noted for its stunning brevety and truth, pointed at the pool and said "pool," then pointed down the driveway and said "trail." Most opted for the trail, a sad commentary indeed.
Living dangerously, we played "Don’t Get Smooshed by the Tractor Trailer" as we scurried across the road. Trail started in the subdivision going up across the road, which was a vast wooded tract for our previous Woostock events. The workers were eerily quiet as we passed a few construction sites, so I suggested that Go Blow do something outrageous and female to get some cat calls out of them. The look I got in response convinced me that is wasn’t going to happen, So I pressed on up the hill, which was becoming curiously draining. Heat and humidity tagged off all day to smash my lungs into the turnbuckle. Catamite hit the first check at the top of the hill, and checked right down an unfinished road, while I plowed ahead into the woods. We were both wrong, but a little vectoring through the woods led me to the trail with the FRB’s. Another check thoroughly hosed French Maid and I, throwing us far left of true trail. I started paralleling the hash, while French Maid wisely bailed out and rejoined the pack.
So I ran my own private little hash, within earshot of the doubtless more enjoyable hash taking place concurrently about an eighth of a mile to the right. Brairs started preforming un-anesthesized surgery on my calves and thighs, prompting a hard right back onto true trail, and into the midst of the lovely Slippery When Wet, Breaststroke and Go Blow. And Dr. Doo Doo was there too. Hum dee dum, through the woods, to a check that everyone missed except Good Head. Trail led us across a brief parking lot and into a fun trail network that wound its way to a nice lake. We got our scenery fix, then headed into a muddy swamp across a shitty little bridge for our shiggy fix. And then some.
We slimed up out of the filth, and headed into the woods for some quality bushwackin’. At a check, Back Seat Box, Kaptain Krash, and I went the wrong way and ended up on the road back to the pool, at which point all hashing systems went critical, lights winked from green to yellow to red, and then out, and we felt the inverse-square gravitational pull of pool and beer, quite powerfully. So we called it a day and scooted down the road for a minute or two, bypassing the nice creek and tunnel, and jumped in the pool. Afterbirth says this might be the last Woodstock (due to overcrowding in the area by Falcons teammates’ houses) ... we’ll miss it. Love, Niplets
1st timers: RoseMarie, RoseMarie’s Sister, Bob Baker, Jonna Beiletti, Loya English
1st time PH3: Chris Robertson, Hellene Moon
Visitors: Wants To Bobbit (El Paso), The Parrot (Qatar)
Too Longs: Phred, Top Gum, Okie Pokie Chicken Chokie, Apeshit
New House: PACII, Cumcierge, Good Head, Holy Dick
Private Parties: Lame Bahrain, Softballs, Tailgunner, Fergie Dick,
Impending Infant: Cheetah