Venue: Shannon Mall, somewhere in Bum F*ck Egypt
Hounds: Suck Her Balls, Cums Collect, Niplets, Tail Gunner, Kapt Krash, Penis Fly Trap, Hand Tossed, Testiclees, Ram Jet, Down Under, MC Hasher, Newtered, Ding Dong, Spread Eagle, Breast Stroke, Bullshit, Wonderbra, Public Screw, Greg Atchley(x4), Back Seat Box, Lost Cause, Fergie Dick, By The Hour, Tiny Turret, and Fertilize Her.
The venue could have been in Florida for all we knew considering the distance we had to drive. In summary, it was all worth it! I didn't see any hydrocephalic banjo player though. Bummer.
The trail began behind the mall, conveniently close to a sizable stand of pine trees. How convenient. After a brief set of instructions and the realization we had NO virgins, off we went. At the first check, the sane amongst us hovered about the check, while the rest tore of willy-nilly down the hill and into the thicket. Leading the "ranging" hounds were Spread Eagle, Bullshit, MC Hasher, Back Seat Box, Tiny Turret, and a few others. The trail, of course, did NOT go into the woods and down the hill...it went left!
To the bellowing of Ram Jet's at times obnoxious horn, the pack reformed and they were off. After a "brief" jaunt through the edge of the woods, the trail proceeded back to the &%$@! mall where the trail wandered through the various parking lots and the nearest "Mrs. Winners". Across busy Jonesboro Road we went, without casualties, down a 1/4 mile and back into the woods again. Choice terrain, right behind the seemingly always present Wal-Mart.
Here the trail got interesting. If this story seems to be missing details it's because I didn't rejoin flour till here!
A VERY tricky reversed-trail check, more piney-woods, and even a Check-Back rounded out the surprises on trail. The Check-Back was VERY close to what sounded like a rifle range....hmmm, maybe that's why the CB was there!? The trail couldn't be complete without a stretch of railroad tracks, about a half mile of them. Then another right turn....heh, I seem to remember taking a right turn all along the trail. Could this be a giant Circle Jerk?
Yup, it was...but it was still a nice trail nonetheless. The open sandy trails through the pine woods were a nice change from the same old haunts we seem to have thrashing through lately. (No offense intended!)
The Down-Down ceremony has gone high-tech with the addition of Ram Jet's "Down-Down Die". You get a Down-Down, you get to roll the die to see what (or how much) your poison will be. As an aside, I think the soda is worse than the NA!
Down-Downs were "awarded" to Ding Dong for being a wise-ass and Testiclees for...whatever, Ram Jet for high-tech beer lotto machine, and to the racers Rat's Ass and Bullshit. MC Hasher was awarded her longevity mug and a Down-Down for her 100th r*n. The crowd thought she was going to spew as she got the luck of the roll and had to do a mongo-sized stein o'beer. Cums Collect added how pleased he was that MC Hasher gor her mug before he did! There weren't quite enough hashers enjoying the Down-Downs so a Whistle Check drew nine poor wankers into the circle to quaff some quality beer, albeit at a less than leisurely pace. The "whistle-less" hounds were Niplets, Tail Gunner, Penis Fly Trap, Bullshit, Wonderbra, Greg Atchley (to be named soon), Fergie Dick, Tiny Turret, and Fertilize Her.
Additional Down-Downs were administered to our overt hare, Rat's Ass and his covert co-hare Breaststroke as well as Ram Jet for his damnable Down-Down Die.
Now to the naming, or should I say the naming and renaming. Ouch, this usually only happens after you urinate on someone's carpet after a heavy drinking night! Our intermittent hasher, Greg Atchley, finally got his fifth r*n. About damn time!! The naming wandered about in esoterica for a while until the half-drunken crowd finally settled on VagaBlonde.....or so we'd thought. The female hashers pushed for, and got, a renaming! I still wonder why? Without much effort and gnashing of teeth, VagaBlonde was renamed BagaBlonbe...go figure.
The circle ended with the cooler night air and the lack of munchies so off we trekked through the woods only to find out the trail WAS one huge Circle Jerk! The end was about 1/4 mile from the start.
The ON ON was at another Mexican restaurant whose name I can't remember. Many pitchers of Margarita's were consumed, salsa by the bucket, Ram Jet's drinking game (he has all the toys!), and additional bitching by Cums Collect about MC Hasher's mug award highlighted the ON ON.
Oh, we drove all the civilians out of our side of the restaurant. Another successful ON ON....minus any arrests.